this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
