I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
