im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
