When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
