i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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