Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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