First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
