hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
