Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
