but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
