I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
