I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
