I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
