my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
