Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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