u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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