she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
