And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You ate ashes out of my bong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize