Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this will be a night to untag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
