yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
