You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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