Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
