Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
