Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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