how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
