85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
