i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
