Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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