it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
