Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
