Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
