Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
