she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
