We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
