The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize