dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
