started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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