I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
