I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize