Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
