Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize