i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
