dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
