i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
