I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
