on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
