My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorry my hands just texted you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
