hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
