I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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