she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
