remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
