UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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