erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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