Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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