There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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