i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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