i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
