We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
