Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
