Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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