I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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