I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
