The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize