you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
