How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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