the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
