If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
