Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
