What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
