She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
