i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
