First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
