i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
