Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
