Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
