Im at strip club and am horny
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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